so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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