i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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