I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
