Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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