How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
