And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
