He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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