Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
