Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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