Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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