your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
