the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
