shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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