i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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