community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
