She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
