Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
