Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
