on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
