My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
