my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm both gender and math confused
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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