Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
