you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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