I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
