I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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