There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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