he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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