She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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