i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
