What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
