take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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