HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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