I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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