he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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