So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize