the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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