Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
