My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
