you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize