I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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