if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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