you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
