you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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