You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
