i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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