Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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