This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
