I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
