just come out here and I will go home with you...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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