i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
