would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
