You're completely useless in the revolution.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
