windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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