Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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