I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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