apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
