I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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