I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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