Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
People in love make me want to vomit
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
