guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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