Midget sex pt 2 tonight
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Randomize