I wanna passion pit in your ass
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
