This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
