Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
