my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
