Can Purell be used as lube?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
