i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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