FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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