What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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