Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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