So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
