Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
