Nicole vs. Life
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
