She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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