Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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