his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
