I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
