...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
