I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
