the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
