things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize