I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
