thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
