I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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