i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
