2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
