True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
