I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My feet surprised me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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