I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
