Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
