hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
