Can i not drive my cunt home
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
