went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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