it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You are a genius and a whore.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
