You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
