Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
