I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
