been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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