Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize