Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
