im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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