youre lurking in front of me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
