I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
