What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
