I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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