Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I love you. Go after that dick
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
