Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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